Friday, June 8, 2012
the two big 'D's...
Divorce and Death...both of these subjects have come up several times in the past few weeks with Lola. I'm just not sure how to address either one of them. Death came up as we drove by a cemetery on Memorial Day. She asked why all the flags were flying and we explained what Memorial Day was for, but struggled through the death part. I thought she would just drop it, but she kept asking over and over. One question led to another. I remember reading somewhere that you should not tell kids that people who are dead are 'asleep' because it might make the kid scared to ever sleep again. Makes sense. So Lola said "they are just laying there not moving?" Yes dear, I suppose that is correct. "So they can't play any more?" "So they can't eat anymore?" And now it comes up randomly, just when I least expect it, so I'm always caught off guard and trying once again to figure out how to explain it. The other is divorce, or as I explain it - the Mommy and Daddy aren't living in the same house anymore. Lola has a girl in her class at school that has been a biter. She doesn't bite all that often, but she has been consistently doing it for several years. Her parents split up almost 2 years ago and according to the teachers the parents hate each other and they fight all the time and this little girl is right in the middle. Ryan and I have both only seen the mom smile once. Every other time she has a scowl or frown on her face. It's really sad. Just today Lola asked "Why Burke bite me a few weeks ago?" I explained that her parents weren't living together anymore and it makes Burke mad and sad, and that's why she bites (this is the theory from the teachers anyway). Burke is otherwise a really sweet kid. She just bites when she gets frustrated. Anyway, back to the discussion. Lola kept asking questions and I tried to answer as best I could. Does it get easier? Is it easier once they are older and can understand more, or is it even more difficult then? They really need to make a manual for these things... :)
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Those are really hard things to explain to little kids. My Grandpa just passed away and it was hard for them to understand his body is still here but his spirit is in heaven. But they are really good at accepting what you tell them so I think it's always best to just tell them the truth. Death is a part of life and they will find out about it somehow.
ReplyDeleteWe still haven't had to tell our girls about divorce. That's a little harder because you want to reassure them that Mommy and Daddy are always going to be together. Good luck with that. You are a good mama! You will do the right thing :)